"That's right mother fuckers. Don't be a little scenester bitch. Be an obscenester.
We've all heard your story about how music really touched your life, and how you never
actually learned how to play an instrument, you just kinda picked it up when someone
said you looked like you were in a band. That would explain your complete lack of
talent. As long as your lyrics are screamed incomprehensably, we will all pretend
you're saying something deep and important, instead of bitching about how your dog
died, your parents don't love you, and your girlfriend left you for a jock.
You have two eyes for a purpose: depth perception, so get your bleached blonde bangs
out of your face. I know it makes you seem sultry, perhaps a bit mysterious, and we
all know how sexy it is.
It's okay to smile. Complete lack of expression is highly contradictory to your
There are other places on your body to pierce than your lip. I'm a big supporter of
piercings and stretched lobes, but mix it up a little.
Chuck Taylor's are the most uncomfortable, unfunctional shoes ever.
And don't get me wrong, your (nautical) star tattoos are fucking rad.
Fellas, wear men's pants. At the very least, un-tuck your dick from between your legs and stop being such a goddamned pussy. When you steal your little sister's pants, there should be a bulge. Stick with your black belts. Tight t-shirts lead to chafed
Ladies, look forward to being able to say this in ten years. "I can't believe I slept with every member of that band! Um, what was their name? It was a meaningless prepostional phrase...ah, gee, I can't remember!"
Your pleated and/or striped skirts serve two purposes: easy access for guitar players, and they're so cute!
It's fucking hot the way your tits and fat rolls hang out of your low cut shirts just so we can see your colorful chest pieces.
Aside from the diamond stud in your nostril, and the polka dots, I think I have little more to mention.
In conclusion, scester parties have the highest ugly to attractive person ratio of any parties I've been to. Another thing that annoys me is scenester kids are far too opposed to drunken hugs. "No! Don't do that! It just ruins my image if someone sees I am loved, I don't want to be loved. I hate my parents." I had hoped for many responses to this, but upon a few psuedo-interviews with scester kids, I discovered they are all in denial. "Just because I go to shows and support the scene, doesn't mean I'm a scenester."
And just because I skateboard, doesn't make me a skateboarder.
Yes, yes it does"
The scene is dead...